“Look at me, I own a convertible. My car is totally cooler than your roofed car. I love the wind blowing through my hair! But not that much wind. I think I’ll roll up the windows.”
Not sure why, but those people really chap my ass.
So now the list looks as such:
Highway convertible window up guy
Michelle Wie
Old Navy
Gwen Stefani
–>
I’d like to apologize to my two readers. It has been a couple of weeks since I’ve written something. Let’s recap why:
8am - 5ish pm: Work
5pm - 10pm: School
10pm - 8am: Rest
And somewhere in that roller coaster ride of a schedule I have to find time to eat, play with the dog, take a crap, contemplate a move to Houston, be a husband, beat up midgets, keep in touch with my friends and family, water the lawn, and if there’s 15 seconds left, have some personal time (if you know what I’m saying).
For those of you who don’t know:
Ben Roethlisberger was injured Monday in a motorcycle accident. A witness told the newspaper the motorcycle hit a car as it was turning left onto Pittsburgh`s 10th Street Bridge. Roethlisberger was in serious but stable condition after breaking his jaw and nose in a motorcycle crash Monday. Roethlisberger also lost teeth, suffered lacerations to the front and back of his head, and sprained his knees, but those knee injuries were not serious.
I’ve obtained an exclusive interview with Big Ben’s subconscious!
White Bread: “What the hell were you thinking not wearing a helmet?”
Big Ben: “I like to feel the wind through my hair!”
WB: “Honestly, are you retarded?”
BB: “I need to make sure that the chicks know it’s me on the bike and not just some Joe Punchclock.”
WB: “Weren’t you concerned about getting hurt?”
BB: “I’m a Super Bowl champion, I’m invincible!”
WB: “Oh yeah. So how many teeth did you lose anyway?”
BB: “Teeth can be replaced.”
WB: “Looks like you lost a lot of blood too.”
BB: “That wasn’t a question.”
WB: “How do you think you will cope with this?”
BB: “My money’s money is all that money’s.”
WB: “You’re a retarded ass. Is there anything you’ll take away from this experience?”
BB: “No.”
WB: “Would you like to say anything to your fans?”
BB: “No.”
WB: “Would you like to say anything regarding motorcycle and helmet safety?”
BB: “No.”
WB: “Go f*ck yourself.”
I read online that you could start your own avocado tree by removing the pit from an avocado, sticking a couple of toothpicks in it, and balancing it over a glass full of water. As stated online: “In about two to three weeks, the pit will crack almost in half. In another three to four weeks, a single root will appear at the submerged end of the pit. Sometime in the next week or two a stem will start growing…”
The actual result: an avocado pit balancing over a glass of water on our window sill, covered in mold.
Thanks internet. –>