White Bread

I usually write posts that amount to little more than fart and dick jokes, but something in the news has caught my attention. I read this morning that Muslims continue their protests and violence over a Danish cartoon negatively depicting the prophet Mohammed. I didn’t know a lot about the situation, so I investigated.

The original cartoon was printed on September 30, 2005. SEPTEMBER 30!! That’s over 5 months ago!

Now, I’ll admit, I don’t know much about the Muslim religion. I’ll assume, due to the recent outbreaks of violence, that these cartoons are extremely offensive.

It’s OK that you don’t believe in a person’s right to free speech. It’s OK that you’re offended by someone else’s views. It’s OK to stage protests around the world. It’s OK that you’re so angry that you want to break shit. It might even be OK for you to in fact break shit. It’s OK for you to burn the American flag in protest (although I’m not sure exactly what we’ve done on this one).

But what is it that makes you burn churches? (Thousands of rioters burned 15 churches in a three-hour rampage before troops and police reinforcements restored order in Nigeria) What is it that makes you kill Christians that had nothing to do with the cartoons? (11 people killed in Libya, at least 15 killed in Nigeria are the latest) What is it that makes you throw a tire around a man, douse him with gasoline, and set him on fire? (Nigeria again) What is it that makes you offer a reward for the head of the cartoonists? (In India, a politician in the nation’s largest state has offered an $11 million reward for the killing of any of the Danish cartoonists “who dared to make the caricature of the Prophet.”)

It’s been 5 months. We get it. You’re not happy. It’s been 5 months, let it go. –>

1. Today is the 10,459th consecutive day that I haven’t shot anyone in the face. That puts me 10,454 ahead of the 2nd most powerful man in the world.

2. I have won exactly zero Olympic gold medals in my life, tying me with a combined effort of Olympic heroes Bode Miller and Michelle Kwan.

3. I have fathered less illegitimate children than Thomas Jefferson.

Not so bad, in the big scheme of things. It’s all about perspective. –>

I’ve been laid up in the house for the last four days with an illness. No Super Bowl parties, no beer, no fun. But I did learn a few things.

1. Jerome Bettis is from Detroit
2. Being sick sucks
3. While it may be the best two teams in the Super Bowl, the referees still stink
4. Music icon Prince has re-emerged from a decade of solitude with a whole new line-up of shitty music (courtesy of Saturday Night Live)
5. Jerome Bettis is still from Detroit
6. The Price is Right is still the best gameshow ever
7. Mint flavored menthol Chloraseptic is pretty addictive
8. Writing funny blogs is hard
9. Installing a new toilet is surprisingly easy
10. Jeramy Stevens is the biggest idiot in the NFL. I truly hope that I never hear from him again.
11. The inaugural Flag Day Backyard Bonanza is going to be a riot! (Stay tuned for more)

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