White Bread

“Look at me, I own a convertible. My car is totally cooler than your roofed car. I love the wind blowing through my hair! But not that much wind. I think I’ll roll up the windows.”

Not sure why, but those people really chap my ass.

So now the list looks as such:

Highway convertible window up guy
Michelle Wie
Old Navy
Gwen Stefani
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Wow, the list is really picking up steam. Here’s the list up until now:

Old Navy
Michelle Wie

Today’s addition has bothered me for a long time. So let’s get to it:

Gwen Stefani

It should be enough that her music sucks. Because boy, it sure does suck. But there’s more.

She had a perfectly successful career with her group of friends together as a band, No Doubt, making hand over fist. But she opted to leave them behind. The reason? The music they were making wasn’t stupid enough. “I want to replace the drums and guitars (and the guys that play them) with beat boxes and Eve,” I can imagine her saying. “I really want to suck.”

This crap she is putting out now is absolutely terrible. I mean this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Just one last question: Do you think she is pre-op or post-op? –>

I must not be as angry as I used to be. The List is looking a little weak. But I have a new entry to join Old Navy. She goes by:

Michelle Wie

Why, you say? There are a couple of reasons. First, the media attention she receives is unjustified. I understand that she has a ton of potential, but she hasn’t done anything. She hasn’t won anything. Not even on the women’s tour. Why is she invited to play with the men?

The second reason is that she is invited to play in events that she doesn’t have the credentials or the talent to play in. Sponsors bring her in, parade her around like a sideshow, just to get a few extra seconds on Sportscenter. Both the sponsors and Wie should be embarrassed. This isn’t a huge issue, but she is taking the spot of someone more deserving. Every time.

The third issue is what frustrates me the most. She is playing (poorly) in men’s events. And before all of you tree-hugging hippies start quacking about equality, let me ask you one question. Would it be OK for men to play with the women’s tour? There are hundreds of men trying to receive their PGA card, and spend their time playing on lesser tours. How do you think they would do against the women? My guess is that they would clean up. So then what? Well, there would be no place for women to compete with each other.

There’s a reason that golf courses have separate women’s and men’s tees. It’s because equality doesn’t always work. Let the men play with the men, and the women play with the women (sounds kinky). –>

You know, I should put myself on the list for teasing you with the promise of ‘The List’ entries and taking this long to get one done. For those of you who don’t remember, and have a fear of scrolling any further down the page than what is on the screen, I’ll remind you what the List is.

I hate a lot of things, things that just rub me the wrong way. When they do, they get added to the List, as inspired by Homer (see Homer’s Inspiration). The List is a mere snapshot in time as no one is relegated to it forever. For example, Taco Bell was on the List while they had that damn Chihuahua as their spokesdog. That’s right! I didn’t ‘Think Outside the Bun’ for a couple of years. Man, that thing pissed me off. Now that he’s gone, I can once again eat at Taco Bell.

So here we go. Drum roll please… The charter member of the White Bread List is…

Old Navy

Am I the only person on this earth that finds their commercials more annoying than ass hair? First was that dog and the old bag of bones. Maybe those glasses were big enough for her to see how angry I was. And where in God’s name does George Jefferson go where he needs to wear board shorts? Nice career move Morgan Fairchild, I know gas is really fucking expensive right now, but do you have to lower yourself to this? And now this new chick from the West Wing. I’m a huge fan of the West Wing, and by default was a fan of what’s-her-name, but now her voice is like fingernails on the chalkboard. It’s like she’s saying, “well, I got my big break on TV, and I’ve decided to throw it down the shitter to work with a bunch of has-been ass clowns that are one step away from VH1’s Where Are They Now? Littered between all of these abominations were dancing and singing male models that I’m guessing are as interested in Morgan Fairchild as the creepy old lady is.

I’m sure that these ads are not created to be taken seriously, which makes them even more annoying. Couple that with the fact that every commerical break contains at least one of these pieces of crap and you understand why Old Navy is on the List.

The ad wizards that have created this crap should be placed in a mental institution. It brings into question the very foundation of the freedom of speech. What good is the First Amendment if it completely sucks the will to live out of the American public?

Stay tuned for more… –>

Until now, Homer Simpson may have been the only one to keep a ‘Revenge List’. Now I too will soon join the ranks. But first, a look into Homer’s mind:

• Bill of Rights
• Grandpa
• Fat free lard
• Gravity
• Emmys
• Darwin
• H2Whoa!
• Billy Crystal
• God
• Soloflex
• The Boy
• Stern Lecture Plumbing
• ECONO Save

You see, I’ve been known to be “surly” (or by the unfriendly, an asshole). And there are a lot of things in the world that piss me off. As you will see, they’re all justifiable (maybe).

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